Next Step: Nola

I'm a lot like my daddy in that I don't like change. It makes me feel like a crazy person. My dad is the least crazy person I know, and since he doesn't like change, I guess I've always put the 2 together: no change = staying sane. And yet! He's been such a good father, encouraging and pushing me forward in spite of fear. The voice of my parents, even as an adult, has always allowed me to be sensitive to the voice of God, especially when sensing he is moving me forward. It has been no different this time. I've been so honored to serve my Lord at Hardy Street Baptist and delighted to have received support on Sunday as they commissioned me to move to New Orleans, LA and join what God is doing at Canal Street Church: A Mosaic Community. I covet your prayers as I begin this transition, and praise him for his continued leadership, provision and the opportunity to honor him in a city I love so dearly!

I found I had written the prayer below in a random notebook at the beginning of last year. It blew me away how applicable it is for me right now. God has a way of reaching into my past in order to shed light on his wisdom for the future. I pray it might encourage you.

Jan. 2nd 2015
Sitting on the chapel steps of the [NOBTS] seminary campus. This place and all I learned here are as much a part of me as my left arm. And yet, I'm reminded of hugging my dad, in the landing of our stairs by our front door, my car all packed, and saying "I'm not ready" before I moved here. I don't remember what daddy even said, it may have been, "I know" or "Yes, you are." [Pretty sure it was the former. Thanks, dad!] Either way, he got me out the door, into the car, prayed for me, and waved as I pulled out of the driveway. By the time I got across the terrifying and never-ending "Twin Span" Bridge across Lake Pontchartrain, passed the newly planted palm trees and got to the top of the "hill" on I10 where the city skyline comes into view, I was totally committed and completely thrilled.

What a feeling...uncertainty, apprehension, the great chasm of the unknown. Now I know that I was never more ready. I was simply standing in front of another seemingly open and empty space that, in fact, had already been filled - with a best friend, [and friends] challenging jobs, mentors, a love for God's word  that I'd never fully experienced and a pathway into ministry alongside amazing people.

Oh, God. I love you. I cannot even comprehend your wisdom. You are my Constant, my source of gravity pushing me deeper into an understanding of You and your will. Pull me closer, hold me steady!

Now, looking into the new year [day/month/season] I'm tempted to be unsure... yet, I know your wisdom says not to judge depths the bottom of which I cannot see and presume darkness where you have spoken "Light!"

Thank you for what you have planned for this year. I am ready.

Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! 
How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways!
Romans 11:33

Anywhere

Mark 1:12-13

The Spirit immediately drove him out into the wilderness. And he was in the wilderness for forty days being tempted by Satan. And he was with the wild animals, and the angels were ministering to him. 

Anywhere, Lord. I had meant it. It was easy to say. I had no idea where you would ask me to go, and that was more than exciting.  Anywhere but here! That’s why I wanted you. I didn’t like whom or where I was, so, this new life…with you, was it. You promised a lot.

Will you satisfy my hungry heart? 
Yes.

Can you keep me from falling and failing? 
Yes.

Will you forgive when I want to leave you? 
Yes.

When you say “Yes’”, even now, after I have believed in you for so long, I still too often find myself replacing your words with my own: “maybe not/definitely not/no way”.

And so you, being who you are, ask me to let you step into my desert of fear, doubt and temptation, which settles in my mind and my soul. Even though we’ve been here before there is apprehension. Even the first step, crossing from grass onto sand, will expose thirsts inside me too shaming for you to see. But you are already ahead of me there, waiting, where I may lay down each terrifying question safely one by one. Burn them up. May the fierceness of your heart in this fire stand over my questions and replace them with answers only you can give.

Drown my endless sand-sea of doubt with your revealed Righteousness; wash the dry terrain with the water of your Word. As we walk, I will watch my doubts fall to the ground, where you have caused them to fall before. Answers will keep coming up, maybe not all at once, but the Savior of the world, the one who himself has risen from the ground, will keep saying, “I am who I say I am.” 

You are my “Yes”. I will hold tightly to that answer as you grasp my hand.

Corinthians 1:20

For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory.

The Beginning...

Mark 1 The beginning of the good news about Jesus the Messiah,^[a] the Son of God,^[b] 2 as it is written in Isaiah the prophet: “I will send my messenger ahead of you,
    who will prepare your way”^[c]—
³ “a voice of one calling in the wilderness,
‘Prepare the way for the Lord,
    make straight paths for him.’”^[d]

Ancient letters come alive, tumble through my veins alongside blood cells and oxygen, pulsing with life and breath and fire.  I am transported there, to the banks of the Jordan River and I don’t want to leave. I feel the heat, the sweat rolling down my back, a want for breeze, the sun on my face and I wonder, should I respond? Can I rush to the waters? I hear the lone voice in the desert saying. “Prepare the way for the Lord” and I take the path straightway to the waters to be made clean, cool, and wholly ready to see the face of Jesus. This man will somehow change my life and the world. Come, Lord Jesus, come. I am ready. If you would but let me untie your sandals and drench your dusty feet with my grateful tears.

Hush. All you voices that whisper, murmur, scream drowning out the voice declaring the way to the Creator of the universe, hush! See me deafened to any voice but one that echoes the heart of God.

If God has spoken a seemingly impossible vision for my life, His church, or what his love can do in the world, I find myself rejoicing now that I have come to a day when the only thing I need do is beg Him to fulfill it, and then watch. The voice of God descended on his Son after a lingering silence saying, “Here He is, the One who is mine.” And now, for those of us who push forward with the crowd to make Jesus their own, His Spirit descends again:

“The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.” (Romans 8:16)

Children of awe, standing in front of a jungle now hewn out, a field plowed through, dry land piercing through water, all hindrances removed. Let us run. Let us leave this world behind and go to Jesus, with whom we will find ourselves well pleased.

Lost and Found

The air is dry. It is dark; hazy orange and greyish-black melt all around me. I rolled over on my left side and pulled the double layer of quilts tighter under my chin. The zigzag shape glowed from behind the glass of the gas stove. As it came into focus, it arrested my gaze. The bright chevron pattern seemed trapped in its confining rows inside the big metal box. It was almost within my reach, directly beside the pullout couch. I breathed in its warmth.

My toes are warm. Granny had brought us an extra heavy quilt. The silhouette of her face leaned closer to my sister and I as she put the second one on top of us; I was glad she had brought it.

The stove is on. I’m glad it’s on. Sometimes it clicks off for a while, but it always clicks back on.

I won’t get cold.

Is everyone asleep now but me?

I flip on my back again and then breathe in. I swish my legs like scissors between the sheets as warmth flashes across the tops of my toes and beneath my calves. Don’t be too loud. You’ll wake them up. I flip on my side, breathing. It’s still glowing. My toes are warm.

Rest, little girl.

Gravel spun out from under my tires as I made the quick left turn onto another gravel road. “In 2.3 miles, turn left, then turn right.” I couldn’t. I could not stay lost one more second or I might really lose it. I’d been to the state park I was heading to once before and there was DEFINITELY not a gravel road through a cemetery on the way. My phone was dying. I had searched for a good ten minutes to find an outlet in my Granny’s basement the night before with no luck. There wasn’t one behind the gas stove, or on any wall that I could see that wasn’t covered with heavy furniture. Imagine that. As children we never once needed outlets to plug in devices, so I had no idea were they might be. I slept without charging my phone and now I was lost somewhere outside of Milburn, KY, my apparently useless gps powers draining my battery that couldn’t charge fast enough. When my phone finally flashed the message “Temperature: Iphone needs to cool down before you use it.” I pulled over without thinking halfway into the grass, halfway in the gravel. I got out of the car that seemed to be closing in on me.

Breathe, little girl. 

The God of the universe had sat me down underneath a tree, in a cemetery, of all places. I was not there by choice. I was lost and found at the same time. I put my hands in the soft grass and was reassured by the feel of solid earth beneath it. Sunshine wrapped around the tree from behind me and fractured onto the cut stone in front of me.

I’m so sorry, Daddy.

My face was wet. The beauty of the cemetery drew me further into an intimacy with my Father that I had been avoiding. How does one describe the co-mingling of anguish and forgiveness, the volley back and fourth between releasing one fearful thought to a proclamation of praise the next? The warmth of the presence of Jesus had settled me and by now my eyes were clear. The gravestone in front of me came into focus.

SALLIE

WIFE OF JOHN

CAVENDER

1866-1919

AT REST

Sallie. What had her life been like? Had she had children? Why was she not next to her husband? I tried to imagine what the daily life of a wife at the turn of the century might have been like with little imagination. My thoughts turned to my Granny and how she had loved us. How many times have I been challenged to think about the eventual words on my gravestone in books and sermons? What will my legacy be? What will they say about me?  Let me tell you, I’ve carped some diems and I still don’t feel like I’ve done anything worth mentioning. The stone blares the question: What if today were it? What if your next breath were your last? It was a question that I have been trained to answer with puffed up plans, but also one that pushes me toward guilt. Our culture says Live. Dream. Go. Be. Play. Love! Life is an emergency and we have to catch up!

If today were my last, if in my next breath I were raised to heaven, I can say to God that he has given me enough. I am not satisfied with my life or what I’ve done, I am satisfied the promise of seeing the face of Jesus. Having you means I do not need another person, (though I'll take one!) a perfect home, or an envious accomplishment with my name attached to it. My primary purpose on this earth has been to know you and I know you.

 Even my satisfaction makes me want more and you will give it forever.  That is what finally gives rest to my soul. 

More Thoughts On My Burkina Faso Trip And Giving Instructions

Many of you are already aware of my upcoming trip to Burkina Faso! I am so thrilled about this chance that has come my way. As much as singleness is a struggle for me sometimes, today I'm feeling so blessed to have the ability to pick up and go pretty much anywhere, anytime as God leads.  I truly believe my ability to go right now is God-given because of how the circumstances have lined up and becuase of my freedom to do so.  Raise your hand if you never thought you would hear me refer to singleness that way. ;) Also, I am very excited to be a part of training young, local believers to reach the people of Africa for Christ with fewer cultural barriers. 

If you would like to read about the work of Jay and Kathy Shafto, who I will be working alongside; here is their blog.

http://shaftonews.blogspot.com/ 

If you feel led to give in order to help offset the cost of my trip, you can Give Online via our church's website here: https://www.acionlinegiving.com/Default.aspx?cid=1395

Please indicate BURKINA FASO in the special intentions section of the giving page. Gifts will be tax deductible. Please do not feel pressured to give, I am confident the Lord will provide just enough right on time. 

I hope everyone is well. I would love to hear from each of you and appreciate your prayers, which I know have seen me through countless seasons.

Love, 

Steph

Update! 2-9-14

Hi Friends and Family!

On the way to the “K Lot” parking lot from the Blanding Tower dorm at the University of Kentucky, there were (still are?) two rows of tennis courts. On a particular day in the fall of 2000, on the long walk to my car, in between the tennis courts, I found myself praying about whether I should go on a mission trip to Burkina Faso, West Africa. The Baptist Student Union was organizing a team, and as I prayed I felt it was something I should do. My mother would probably tell you that was a not strange prayer for me to pray. As a young girl I poured over magazines filled with photos and articles about other countries; so in that regard it wasn’t strange.  However, my current season of life had been characterized by me being somewhat (giving myself a little grace) totally consumed with myself and the problems that come with being human. I don’t believe I am being too dramatic in saying my prayer walk from the dorm to the parking lot was ordained by God because I was gasping for spiritual air. I was suffocating thinking only about myself and what direction my life would take. (Now that I’ve been to Burkina Faso twice, I always only think about other people all the time. Wink, wink.)

We arrived in Burkina Faso the next summer and were instructed to spend time prayer walking though millet and peanut fields, stopping at one cluster of mud huts and on to the next, asking how we could pray for the beautiful, humble, Bissa people. We taught Bible stories to children and played red rover. We slept in a concrete school with donkeys outside our windows. It's probably pretty romanticized in my mind by now, but I firmly believe Burkina Faso was part of God’s plan to open my eyes to the vastness of his love for the world and his purpose for me in Kingdom work. It was truly life changing. When I left, I knew I wanted to go back some day to return, in some small way, the priceless gift that was given to me by the missionaries and the people there.

I am so excited to let you know that my hope will be fulfilled very soon! I have been given the opportunity to go back to Burkina Faso in just FOUR short weeks! During the second week of March I will be traveling to work alongside the missionaries there to help train local leaders who work with children using a program called “Route 412” based on 1 Timothy 4:12. Would you please pray for the missionaries, lay leaders and myself as we focus together on ways to effectively encourage children to be examples of discipleship?

I am so thankful for each person reading this. I wish I could sit down one-on-one with you and talk about how excited I am! Please feel free to ask me how you can pray more specifically. If you are able to support me financially, I would be thrilled! The cost of my trip will be approximately $2,000.00. I am so humbled to let you know that God is already providing to make this a reality! Thank you again for who you are and what you meant to me over the years! It’s been fun thinking back and remembering all the wonderful people who have impacted me before and since college. Please let me know how I can pray for you!

Love,

Stephanie